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Stop being interestING, start being interestED
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Tatyana is an amazingly talented mortgage loan officer I've coached in the past. She had this to say to me once, about the referral question I taught you last week: "I had a green light conversation with a realtor today. It went extremely well and I learned what they liked about the lenders they've used, and what they didn't like about the lenders they've worked with in the past. Turns out the referral partners moved away and we were scheduled to have lunch next week." That's what it's all about. It opened the door. Now, is a referral guaranteed? No. Of course not. But she asked a question that's moved her into position to have a more detailed conversation with somebody. That's WAY farther than most people get. So what happens when you ask a question that gets you to a one-on-one meeting? Before you go shock-and-aweing them with your offerings, I want you to remember this little phrase: "The quality of your life will be proportionate to the quality of questions you ask of yourself, and of others." Be interested when you're one-on-one with someone. Not interesting. What does that mean? Listen. (Quick exercise: Write down the word "Listen." Now come up with another word using the same letters. What is it? SILENT. So listen, and be silent.) But not too silent. Ask questions. Quality questions. If you're going to build a business around gratitude, curiosity, and generosity...questions are part and parcel of that. Curiosity a mindset. But it's also a practice. And if you're going to put curiosity into practice, you've got to have some good go-to questions to ask people. Here are a few to jumpstart your thought process:
Notice anything about these questions? They're all 'what' and 'how'. Not a 'why' in sight. One of the best sales books I've ever read is by an FBI negotiator, it's called Never Split the Difference. In there he talks about 'what' and 'how' questions. Focus on using those. Not 'why' questions. So for instance, when you ask someone the greenlight referral question and they say somebody else's name, how do you respond? "What do you like about them?" Not "Why do you like them?" See the difference? It seems subtle, but it's actually quite big. So what curious, quality questions do you have in your arsenal? Start grabbing ones you like and put them to use! Until next time, Brian Whenever you're ready, there are 2 ways I can help you:
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Get Radically Referable
Each week, get 1 actionable tip to help demystify the secrets of building a referral-based business | Join 1K+ readers
Let another praise you, Reader. In marketing, most of us are used to Hero stories. People tooting their own horns. The Hero in these circumstances is a person who is saying, “I’m the best at _______. You need to come see me.” (The legal profession’s particularly good at this.) That’s powerful communication. Communicating through authority. And when I say ‘powerful communication’ – it almost sounds like that’s what you want to be shooting for, right? Maybe that’s why so many of us fall into...
I talk on here a lot of about one-on-one referral generation efforts. And while I'm 100% a huge advocate of that... ...one of the biggest challenges we have as a small business owner (or commissioned sales professional) is is TIME. We come across so many different people in our lines of work, and only a small percentage are going to be a fit for true one-on-one referral partner status. So what happens with all the others? Do we just ignore them? Well the answer for a lot of people is...yes....
Let's talk about the power of powerless communication for a minute. (If you want to learn more about it, check out Adam Grant's Give and Take. Powerless communication puts people at ease, and makes you more trustworthy and likeable. Some easy ways to do this?: Be humble. Ask for help or advice. Pair relatability with competence. Give people space to drive the conversation. Ask questions and get people talking about themselves. We're going to try to work all four of these, subtly, into one...