Let's talk about the power of powerless communication for a minute. (If you want to learn more about it, check out Adam Grant's Give and Take.

Powerless communication puts people at ease, and makes you more trustworthy and likeable. Some easy ways to do this?:

1. Be humble.
2. Ask for help or advice.
3. Pair relatability with competence.
4. Give people space to drive the conversation.
5. Ask questions and get people talking about themselves.

We're going to try to work all four of these, subtly, into one referral conversation...

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I’m trying to put this in a generic format that will allow you to build it around your particular business.

But in my case in all these examples, think of me as a mortgage professional.

"If you had a _______ or _______…"

("If you had a friend or family member...", or "If you had a client or coworker")

This depends on who you are, and who you're talking to.

If, as a mortgage professional, I’m talking to professional who comes across my ideal client often (say real estate agent or financial advisor), I would say "If you had a client or coworker..."

If I’m talking to someone less connected to my ideal client, I would ask them "If you had a friend or family member..."

"…that was looking to _______ or _______…"

("...that was looking to buy a new home or refinance the home they're in...")

Give them a choice.

Why?

1) It keeps the conversation open-ended.

2) It makes them think harder about referral possibilities.

3) It helps you stick in their mind.

You’re getting them to think about a person in a particular situation...and linking them with you in their mind.

"…out of curiosity, who would you recommend they call first?"

Let’s play this out with a real-life roleplay I did with an attendee, Val, at one of my events once:

I asked Val her profession, and she says she’s a Business Coach. (Remember in this instance, I’m a mortgage professional.)

So as someone in the mortgage industry, right off the bat I’m asking myself–Is she somebody who comes across my ideal client often?

The answer is truthfully no, probably not.

So what I would do is I would use the “friend or family member” option. Here's how our roleplay went, verbatim:

(What am I going to say next?)

Remember: Gratitude, curiosity, and generosity are the keys to generating referrals. For now we’re going to stay on curiosity.

Val, half-in and half-out of the roleplay, says...

Timeout. That’s the power of powerless communication.

Do you think the likelihood of a referral for me just went up by at least 41%?

Yep.

What "powerless" boxes did we tick, however subtly?

1. Be humble ✅ (Never assumed to be "the one", instead asking what I could do to be "the one.")
2. Ask for help or advice ✅(Inherent in the question itself, b/c it's always good to learn who people are using.)
3. Pair relatability with competence ✅ (By showing I'm willing to earn her referrals.)
4. Give people space to drive the conversation ✅ (Again, by inviting her to tell me what I need to do.)
5. Ask questions and get people talking about themselves. ✅ (Inherent in the question itself)

You’re not forcing your will and needs on people.

You’re just being curious about who they know, and how and if you can help.

Brian

PS - Her response to “What would I need to do to be that person for you?” could have been a multitude of things. The thing to remember is to keep it powerless:

Powerless communication lets them come to their own conclusions...about you!

Whenever you're ready, there are 2 ways I can help you:

1. Work with me to transform your referral relationships. (Booking into May - let's talk)
2. Get your own board of advisors with ACCELERATE Boardroom (See if it's a fit here)

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